Slim, not starved.

Ok, you know you’re a good blogger when you break the theme of your blog by the third post…what can I say? This is something I think is important, something that I’m pretty fed up of and something that needs to be recognised.

I’m 5ft 2, I weigh 5st 1lb. That gives me a BMI of 13.1 (That .1 so counts when you’re me) For those that haven’t fainted in shock, yes that’s low and I’m the first to admit it’s not good, however…this is out of my hands. I’ve been arguing non stop with doctors since about the age of 14 utelling them I do not have an eating disorder. It wasn’t until the nurse that did my ECG was the Mum of a boy I went to primary school with told my doctor in passing comment that I had always been slim. They soon finally agreed that I don’t have an eating disorder *~HOORAY~*. I think GP’s are quick to diagnose people with eating disorders rather than looking into the matter properly. It needs to stop, so what it takes a bit more time to diagnose the real issue but is that not why you spent 3+ years in uni with your face stuck in a book?

People are quick to point out that I have an eating disorder but I don’t recall them being at the dinner table with me for the past 20 years.

Recently I’ve been undergoing tests galore, I’ve still got more to come. The reason being because I can’t gain/maintain weight and we have to find out why. I’ve been suffering with fatigue, fuzzy head, my hair lost it’s shine, my face lost it’s glow and I lost my some of personality.

I am on a gluten free diet at the moment because it’s believed I could be gluten sensitive and I feel A M A Z I N G. The fact that gluten has GLU at the beginning of the word alone tells me it’s doing nothing other than gluing up my insides. I say I feel amazing, I really do, however it comes with a cost, a big one at that. Two words…’Gluten Withdrawals’. Never in my life have I felt so unwell physically. It’s bittersweet, in my head, I feel motivated, overly happy, full of motivation/drive and positive. My hair is shining like crazy, my face has colour and a glow, my fuzzy head has gone too. However the downside…I did say it comes at a cost and one that can last anything between 2 weeks or 6 months;

Nausea: I have been constantly hungry, but so hungry I feel nauseous, it’s hard to eat when you feel so sick, even my Dad has had to force feed me fruit salad, but I’ve managed to control it now, just.

Fatigue: I have zero energy, I can barely hold my head up or hold a cup of tea some days, that’s pretty scary.

Anxiety: When you give up gluten you lose magnesium which is something that when not being consumed causes neurological issues. It causes stress and obviously stress will make emotions run wild which is very distressing for me and the people around me. It’s important I relax and focus on getting better. It’s strange considering gluten causes anxiety too, so that would explain my disorder.

Insomnia: I’ve been going to bed at 12am and getting up at 4:30/5:00am which is mild, however it’s difficult when you’re body is going through all sorts.

There are times I’ve thought if I closed my eyes I wouldn’t wake up, I’m not being dramatic, that’s genuinely how I feel. I know I’ve made it sound pretty scary however there are ups and downs and the fact I feel so good mentally tells me that once the GW’s have gone there will be no stopping me. I’ve been exercising, when I’m having a good day and I’ve been eating well which definitely helps. I have days I feel on top of the world & I have days I feel horrendous but the good always out does the bad as I know soon I will only have good days. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without the constant support, mostly by my parents, my Dad’s research has been outstanding, I wouldn’t have known what was happening to me if he hadn’t researched everything first. My Mum’s advice has been amazing too, she really does know best.

We still don’t know why I can’t maintain or gain weight, going gluten free has helped me greatly but it’s too early to tell if gluten as halted my ability to gain weight hence the further tests, so if anyone out there is in the same boat as me, has the same symptoms or has been through the dreaded gluten withdrawals and would like to know more or like advice or think they could be of help to me, please contact me via: lovekensa@hotmail.com
Instagram & twitter are both -lovekensa.

Thanks for reading!
Love, Kensa x